Friday, January 30, 2009

Do I Smell? [sniffing armpits icon]

I have to admit that I am disappointed that I haven’t gotten any comments on my last post. I knew that I was bringing something up that was controversial to say the least to our blogging world, but I didn’t think that this would cause an absence of discussion, something that has never happened to me since I started my blog.

At first I wasn’t worried, I just thought that perhaps everyone has been busy and have not been checking in. Usually there is a comment in a few hours, if not minutes in some cases. But as the days passed, those that usually comment on my blog have remained silent and have continued on posting on their respective blog.

I have come to the conclusion of a few possibilities.

First I have caused offense and people don’t like me or my recent post to say the least.

Second my presence has caused apathy in my readers and they don’t care whether I write or not.

Third (which I think is most probable) is that my post has created cognitive dissonance in my readers and they don’t know where they stand and therefore have not posted.

Perhaps some may feel that the influence of a reading wife has caused alterations in my views or in what I post. I do admit that there has been much discussion between Ginger and I, which naturally would cause my thinking to have more views than I could come up with on my own.

I feel that with my wife’s support I am becoming a better man and I have more faith that Heavenly Father is concerned with my well being and is blessing me as I turn to him with more resolution in my life.

I hope that I have not offended anyone. If this is the case I apologize because this was not my intention; I was not trying to rock the boat.

In any case, I am happy with the self confidence that I have gained in the past few months and years, because without my development in loving myself as much as I have grown accustomed to, I would be upset and concerned about rejection. While I do feel a bit rejected, I am confident in myself and am at peace with my place in life.


Kengo Biddles said...

Silly Mike.

No one made any noise at all when Lincoln finished his Gettysburg address. They were in awe.

And after reading your post, I didn't want to mar it with my own comments, because they would've largely echoed yours.

That's why I didn't comment. It wasn't apathy, it wasn't offense. It was respect.

Beck said...

No, you do not smell.

As for my silence, I guess it's threefold.

1) I am a bit uneasy with your steps in opening your blog to your wife - which is a good thing - but it makes me feel guilty that I haven't done so myself with my wife.

2) I am a bit confused and unfamiliary and leary of the Brain Gym description, and don't know quite what to say. I guess if it works for you and you are finding peace and solice and direction from it then go for it.

3) I find it difficult to respond to the quest for finding a "reason" for my being gay. I used to feel that way, but no longer do. I just am and always have been this way. And the formulaic answers of distant father, absent or abusive father, upbringing, social, economical or other factors - none of them apply to me. I had a loving and supportive father. I was never abused sexually, physically or otherwise and to my knowledge there is no history of abuse in my extended family with grandfathers, uncles or cousins. I seek no one to blame for this as I've come to conclude that there is no blame to be found - it just is one of those things - and I'm okay with that.

So, don't worry about people commenting (even though I do and love to see comments as we all do). The key is to keep blogging, to keep sharing and growing and giving of your story to others. There are readers out there that don't comment, who do read and benefit from you sharing. I learn from you and want you to get over it and keep going and keep sharing and allow the rest of us to learn from your solutions and findings that are unique and wonderful.

And, again, you don't stink!

Alan said...


You know that you have no truer friend in the blogging world than me. Please keep that in mind because it hasn't changed. I hope I've built enough credibility with you that you'll take everything I say in the spirit of love that is intended and that you won't feel rejected. That is not my goal and is not how I feel at all. True friends should feel safe enough that they can be honest with each other and I hope I qualify with you.

I didn't respond to your post because I wasn't sure what to say. I guess "cognitive dissonance" is as good a way as any to explain it. I suspect others may have felt the same way. But since you've asked, here's what left me scratching my head.

As far as I can see, the consensus after years of studying all types of reparative therapy is that it doesn't really work. It may teach coping skills but it can't permanently change orientation. So while I certainly respect your feelings and trust that they are what you say, I hope you'll understand when I reserve judgment on whether Brain Gym or anything else could produce an immediate 70% reduction in SSA ("Heavy burdens that once seemed insurmountable are overcome in even as short as a few hours"). If that really is the result for you and you're happy with it, then that's wonderful and I mean that sincerely. I didn't say this before because I didn't want to take away your hope, something you alluded to yourself. I wonder if others were the same. Experiences differ widely of course, but you have to admit that yours, as stated, is out of the ordinary. It certainly doesn't match mine or that of anyone else I know of.

Your post suggested that you were inspired to move where you are in order to avail yourself of a Brain Gym practitioner's services in order to achieve this result. That may be entirely true. It's also such a subjective thing that there's really no way to comment on it.

I suspect you really threw readers for a loop when you stated unequivocally that SSA could be completely overcome in this life and if not, it would be removed in the next, and suggested this rule would apply to everyone. After years of saying the same thing, the Church itself now acknowledges that this may not be true after all, and I like many others don't know that there is any Scriptural warrant for believing that homosexuality is something confined to this mortal life only. I know there are many who can't imagine themselves any other way and wouldn't want that part of themselves removed even if it were an option; to them, words like "relief from our challenges" don't resonate. I think the jury is still out on a lot of these questions, and I suspect lots of others feel the same. So when you take such a black & white stance on an issue which is so grey to so many, again, I suspect people didn't know how to react or just didn't want to pick a fight with someone they like. Result: no comments.

I know your heart, Mike, it's good and filled with love and the best of intentions. I know your issues and your struggles. I know how you cling to any hope you can find from anywhere of overcoming them. That's totally normal and I would never want to dissuade you from that or try to dampen your enthusiasm. You know best what actually works for you. If what you say has happened has really happened, then nobody is happier for you than me. And since you asked why the radio silence, I trust you'll take my 2 cents' worth in the spirit of charity with which I offer it.

I hope you won't stop blogging, you are a unique voice and your perspectives are valuable. Keep talking.

Mike said...

Kengo: Thank you for your respect, I appreciate your support.

Beck: Thanks, but after just taking a shower, I realized that I did smell a little, but surely not enough for anyone to smell across an international border. ;)

As for opening the blog to your wife, that is a personal choice for everyone, and though I imagine that many would encourage you to be more open with your wife, I believe that no one more than you (save God and Jesus) could give you omniscient advise on that.

And concerning Brain Gym, I can't expect other people to believe what I say without experiencing it for myself. I was leery too when I first tried it, but I gave it a fair shot, and have been amazed with the results. I think that the degree of result varies with teh individual, but I do believe that everyone would benefit from it if they had tried.

I hoped that I had communicated myself more fully, but I don't believe that everyone can fit the few pegs that have been identified with having SSA. I once believed (and still do) that I had somewhat of a choice in the pre-existance to experience these challenges because I knew of the blessings that I would recieve in putting off the natural man and becoming more like God.

I had no idea that any abuse had gone on in my family, and it isn't anything that I have brought up with any of them. I don't think that many would talk about it if it had happened, anyway.

In almost every case I don't care about why I am the way that I am, unless I inflict something upon myself, then I do try to change the trigger. All that matters to me is the progression that I make in response to the challenges that are in my path.

I hope that I have in not offended you in any way. I don't judge people, I am too compassionate for that. I hope that you feel that.

I don't intend to stop blogging, I don't think that I would stop even if everybody dropped me from my their list, so don't worry.

Mike said...

Alan: I don't think I have the time to fully comment on your comment because I know that it will be quite lengthy, and I would rather turn a lengthy comment into a post anyway.

Rest assured that I am happy for your comment and that I know that you are a true friend. Again, I hope that I cause no offense to you or any others. I know that it is a controversial subject, and I do not project my views on anyone else and expect them to do as I do.

I really am certain for the blessings that I have recieved in my journey, one of which is brain gym. I can't describe how much lighter I have felt in my life with the balancing that I have done. Thank you for your support in encouraging what works well with me. My hope is that it can give hope to someone else that comes across this blog.

As for everything else, you will have to wait on pins and needles for my views. ;)

Bravone said...

Mike, I didn't comment simply because I have gotten so wrapped up in blogging that I felt an obligation to respond to everyone's post and it became unhealthy for me.

I do read your posts, respect you and wish you the best.


Sarah said...


2 reasons I didn't comment:

Life is crazy! I am waaayyyy behind on blog reading, and while some I am more likely to read some blogs than others when time is limited (yours is more of a priority, fyi), I am not commenting as much unless I feel strongly about doing so.

Number 2, after reading Alan's comment, I realized that I feel exactly as he described and therefore did not comment because I have a different view and didn't want to be contentious.

Scott and I did discuss your post. Scott works for a homeopathic company that is associated with people who practice alternative medicine. We have seen first hand some of the things you describe with Brain Gym, and that was interesting to us.

Just a suggestion: if you specifically want feedback on a post, try posing a question for readers to answer. My most commented-on blog post was when I asked for help making a decision. Almost everyone threw their opinion in on that one.

I hope you are well, and I always enjoy reading about your journey, especially with your wife, even when I don't comment. Your blog post dedicated to Scott and I has gone miles in helping Scott's dad to more fully understand the work we are doing. Thank you for that.

Mike said...


Thanks for commenting. I have to admit that I was concerned about what you and Scott were thinking because I know that your views differ a bit when it comes to this. Again I hope that I didn't offend either of you, because I am not that kind of man. I suppose the SGA makes me too compassionate for that. :)

I am glad that you founf the Brain Gym stuff interesting. I take it you haven't tried it? I know that any sort of alternative health practice is only as good as the practitioner, and so I know that there would be a challenge to find someone that clicks so well with me somewhere else. I couldn't even begin to be able to refer anyone for any type of balancing to another practitioner.

In the future I will ask more questions and then maybe comments can be made more easily and then I don't have to feel any drama inside of me.

I am happy that in some way I have helped your journey better in some way. I know that when I first read your blog I felt the hope that I needed to become more open with Ginger. We are more open with each other, and though while it is hard at times, I feel so much support and love from her than I ever imagined I would be able to.

Thank you, for your help in my process, I know that the strength that comes from overcoming my challenges will create the type of marriage that Ginger and I want.