When I decided to tell my wife about my blog, I felt that that I needed to prepare her for it. I knew that the basis of her future fear was that she was going to lose me, one way or another, so I wanted her to come from a place where she was confident with our relationship, so that when she counts back to when I first started my blog, that she would see that I wasn’t having any rendez-vous's [don't know how to make that plural] with other mohos to hook up, or that I wasn’t disconnecting from her and the family, or that I wasn’t drastically changing who I was to threaten our relationship.
So in the past few days I have been texting her during class and work times to let her know that I have been thinking about her. I have sent her love letters via email to remind her how I feel. I let her sleep in when I am home and get the kids ready for the day. I made her French toast today for brunch (yes, I admit, we forgot it was Fast Sunday) and served it to her on a breakfast tray as she worked on her Sunday School lesson on our bed. After the ward Christmas party we watched her favorite show, Ghost Whisperer while I made her a therapeutic foot soak and alternated in exfoliating her feet and then moisturizing, something that she LOVES having done.
I have returned every form of affection that she gives me (something that doesn’t always happen when I am not in the mood). I have given her neck rubs and foot rubs. I joke with her and play games with her and her siblings and we have fun. It’s a lot like we are in love, and we are.
After experiencing so much positivity, I sit on the fence about sharing my blog with her because I am still afraid of what it will do to our relationship. We feel so close, and I can’t wait until I am done with exams this week to be able to spend more time with her over the holidays.
A few years ago, she found out that I had a problem with porn, and it nearly destroyed us. She was so upset, and though I know that this isn’t the same, and that she only mentioned the word divorce in her first knee-jerk reactions and that it really wasn’t how she felt overall, I still fear that there will be some fallout over this.
I know that none of you can really know our situation without knowing my wife more. For the time I will continue to build our relationship, because I love it. I love her, and in redoubling my effort to love her I have fallen even more in love with her.
So if you will excuse me, I will now go cuddle with my wife.
P.S. Tonight when we were getting into bed (I am writing in bed on my laptop) I said that I had a really good idea for a free Christmas present that she could give me that I would love. I told her that she could let us switch the sides of the bed that we normally sleep on for a month. She laughed and then told me no way.
I have always slept on the left (when you are standing at the foot of the bed, facing the head of the bed, but recently I feel more comfortable on the other side, but she never lets me get away with actually sleeping there.
Is this something that any of you experience? What side do you all sleep on, and is there a male trend, or is it just blind habit?